he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
