I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
