Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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