she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
MIDGETS
????
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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