So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
