I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
