If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
