too bad you live with your parents still
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
