oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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