you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i've created a new STD.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
