Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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