it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
