i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
