I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
