White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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