He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
