How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
