i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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