Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
