He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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