We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
