I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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