she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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