Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
