My liver just broke up with me...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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