y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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