he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
