He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If I die, sorry about rent.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
