Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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