Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
