I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
