the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
