pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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