Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
