im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
there is glitter all over my balls
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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