Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You should frame my arrest warrant.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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