I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
