the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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