I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
