I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
