see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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