Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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