I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
