i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
