you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
