Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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