Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize