You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
