Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
