I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
